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Safety · Pregnancy · Support

I’m Pregnant and in an Abusive Relationship. How Can I Get Out?

You deserve safety. Here’s how to protect yourself and your baby, find confidential help, and plan for a safer future.

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Pregnancy increases the risk of domestic violence; abuse can start or intensify during this time.

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Leaving is dangerous—create a safety plan and seek help from advocates who understand perinatal abuse.

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Healthcare providers, doulas, and social workers can document injuries and connect you with protective services.

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Legal protections, emergency housing, and financial assistance exist even if you’re undocumented or uninsured.

Recognize Abuse (It’s Not Your Fault)

If you experience any of the following, you’re in an abusive situation:

  • Monitoring your phone, social media, or location; isolating you from friends/family
  • Controlling money, transportation, medical appointments, or prenatal care
  • Threatening to harm you, the baby, pets, or loved ones
  • Sabotaging birth control, forcing pregnancy, or refusing to use contraception
  • Destroying property, punching walls, or escalating verbal harassment
  • Physical assault (pushing, strangling, hitting, using weapons) or sexual coercion

Pregnancy does not obligate you to stay. Abuse often escalates during pregnancy—seeking help protects you and your baby.

Create a Safety Plan

Safety plans are living documents—add details over time as opportunities arise. If you’re unable to leave yet, small steps still matter.

Memorize or hide essential numbers (hotline, OB-GYN, trusted friend). Delete call/text logs after contact.
Pack a go-bag if possible: copies of IDs, insurance cards, prenatal records, spare phone, cash, keys, medications.
Agree on a code word or emoji with a trusted person to signal danger or request police without alerting the abuser.
Know the safest rooms in your home (avoid kitchens/bathrooms where weapons are accessible).
Backup important digital files and photos to a password-protected cloud account the abuser cannot access.
Document abuse (photos, medical records, police reports) and store securely; evidence helps obtain protection orders or custody.

Build Your Support Network

Medical Team

Tell your OB-GYN or midwife privately. They can note injuries, document threats, and connect you with hospital social workers.

Advocates & Shelter Services

Domestic violence advocates can provide safe shelter, transportation, court accompaniment, childcare, and immigration resources.

Legal Options

Restraining orders, custody protections, and emergency protective orders can be filed even if you share a lease or are undocumented.

Financial Bridges

Ask about TANF, WIC, Medicaid, housing vouchers, or charitable funds that cover rent, utilities, or prenatal care.

Document Safely

  • Photograph injuries with date stamps; store copies online using secure passwords.
  • Keep prenatal visit summaries or ER discharge papers in a hidden folder labeled innocuously (e.g., “Taxes”).
  • Log abusive incidents in a journal kept outside the home or in encrypted notes.
  • Set up a new email account (using incognito mode) for safe communication with advocates.

Frequently Asked Questions

Will the police believe me if I don’t have physical injuries?

Emotional, financial, and reproductive coercion are forms of abuse. Document threats, texts, and controlling behaviors. Bring a supportive friend or advocate to appointments. Many jurisdictions allow sworn statements or digital evidence for restraining orders.

Can I get medical care without my partner knowing?

Yes. You can request private consultations, use pseudonyms at shelters, or ask your OB-GYN to flag your chart for “confidential communication.” Some clinics offer sliding-scale care without insurance statements going to the abuser’s address.

What if I rely on my partner financially or for childcare?

Hotlines can connect you with shelters that provide housing, transportation, legal aid, childcare, and job resources. You can also ask social workers about Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), WIC, Medicaid, and emergency grants.

Is it considered abuse if we’re not married or if the harm is emotional?

Yes. Abuse is about power and control, not marital status. Emotional manipulation, gaslighting, threats, and isolation are dangerous because they often escalate.