😰Nightmares
Understanding and helping children cope with scary dreams
Understanding Nightmares
A nightmare is a scary or upsetting dream that usually wakes a person up. It's normal for kids to have nightmares occasionally, especially during the preschool years.
Nightmares aren't completely preventable, but parents can set the stage for a peaceful night's rest. That way, when nightmares do creep in, a little comfort from you can quickly ease your child's mind and help them get back to sleep.
🌙When Do Nightmares Happen?
Nightmares — like most dreams — happen during the stage of sleep when the brain is very active. This part of sleep is known as the rapid eye movement or REM stage because the eyes are rapidly moving beneath closed eyelids. Nightmares tend to happen during the second half of a night's sleep, when REM periods are longer.
What Happens When Kids Wake Up:
- •Images are still fresh and can seem real
- •Natural to feel afraid and upset
- •Children call out to parents for comfort
Understanding at Different Ages:
- •By preschool age, kids begin to understand nightmares are only dreams
- •They know what's happening isn't real and can't hurt them
- •But knowing that doesn't prevent them from feeling scared
- •Even older kids feel frightened when they have a nightmare
🔍What Causes Nightmares?
No one knows exactly what causes nightmares. Dreams — and nightmares — seem to be one way kids process thoughts and feelings, and work through worries and concerns.
Common Triggers:
- •Stress or dealing with a change
- •Moving or attending a new school
- •The birth of a sibling
- •Family tensions
- •Reading scary books or watching scary movies before bedtime
More Serious Causes:
- •Reaction to trauma (natural disaster, accident, injury)
- •Processing daily events with scary twists
- •Children with good imaginations may be more susceptible
What Children Remember:
Sometimes a nightmare has recognizable bits and pieces of the day's events and experiences, but with a scary twist. A child might not remember every detail, but can usually recall some of the images, characters, or situations, and the scary parts.
💤How Can Parents Encourage Sweet Dreams?
Parents can't prevent nightmares, but can help kids get a good night's sleep — and that encourages sweet dreams.
Sleep Routine:
- •Have a regular bedtime and wake-up time
- •Create a sleep routine that helps them slow down and feel safe
- •Include a bath, snuggle, reading, or quiet talk about pleasant events
- •Make the bed a cozy, peaceful place to quiet down
Comfort Items & Environment:
- •Favorite toy, stuffed animal, nightlight, or dream catcher
- •Avoid scary movies, TV shows, and stories before bed
- •Avoid screentime such as video games or social media
- •Avoid caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate, sodas)
Important Reassurance:
Help children know that nightmares aren't real, that they're just dreams and can't hurt them. This understanding can help reduce fear and anxiety around bedtime.
💕How to Help Kids After a Nightmare
Here's how to help your child cope after a nightmare:
Immediate Comfort:
- •Reassure your child that you're there. Your calm presence helps your child feel safe and protected after waking up feeling afraid.
- •Label what's happened. Let your child know that it was a nightmare and now it's over. Reassure them that the scary stuff didn't happen in the real world.
- •Offer comfort. Show that you understand they feel afraid and it's OK. Remind them that everyone dreams and sometimes dreams are scary.
Creative Solutions:
- •Do your magic. With preschoolers and young school-age kids, pretend monster spray can work wonders. Check the closet and under the bed.
- •Mood lighting. A nightlight, hall light, or bedside flashlight can help kids feel safe in a dark room.
- •Help your child go back to sleep. Offer a favorite stuffed animal, blanket, pillow, or play soft music.
Morning Follow-up:
Be a good listener. In the morning, your child may want to tell you all about last night's scary dream. Talking about it — maybe even drawing the dream or writing about it — in the daylight can help scary images lose their power. Your child might enjoy thinking up a new (more satisfying) ending to the scary dream.
⚠️When to Seek Help
For most kids, nightmares happen only now and then, are not cause for concern, and simply need a parent's comfort and reassurance. Talk to the doctor if:
Frequency Concerns:
- •Nightmares happen more than once a week
- •Often prevent your child from getting enough sleep
Behavioral Concerns:
- •Happen along with other emotional or behavioral troubles
- •Significantly impact daily functioning
❓Frequently Asked Questions About Nightmares
What's the difference between nightmares and night terrors?
Nightmares happen during REM sleep and children can usually be comforted and will remember the dream. Night terrors occur during non-REM sleep, are more dramatic, children can't be comforted, and they won't remember the episode. Nightmares tend to happen in the second half of the night, while night terrors occur 2-3 hours after falling asleep.
When do nightmares typically occur during sleep?
Nightmares happen during the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep, when the brain is very active. They tend to occur during the second half of a night's sleep, when REM periods are longer. This is why children often wake up with fresh, vivid memories of their scary dreams.
What causes nightmares in children?
Nightmares seem to be one way kids process thoughts and feelings, and work through worries and concerns. Common triggers include stress, changes (moving, new school, new sibling), family tensions, scary books or movies before bed, and sometimes reactions to trauma. Children with good imaginations may be more susceptible to nightmares.
How can I help prevent nightmares in my child?
While nightmares aren't completely preventable, you can help by establishing regular bedtime routines, creating a cozy sleep environment, avoiding scary content before bed, limiting screen time, avoiding caffeine, and helping your child understand that nightmares are just dreams and can't hurt them. A calm, secure bedtime routine is key.
What should I do when my child wakes up from a nightmare?
Reassure your child that you're there and they're safe. Label what happened ("You had a bad dream, but now you're awake and everything is OK"). Offer comfort and understanding. For younger children, you can use creative solutions like "monster spray" or checking under the bed. Help them get back to sleep with comfort items and gentle reassurance.
Should I talk to my child about their nightmare the next day?
Yes, talking about nightmares in the daylight can help scary images lose their power. Your child might want to tell you all about the scary dream. You can encourage them to draw the dream, write about it, or even think up a new, more satisfying ending. This helps them process and gain control over the scary experience.
At what age do children understand that nightmares aren't real?
By about preschool age, kids begin to understand that a nightmare is only a dream and that what's happening isn't real and can't hurt them. However, knowing this doesn't prevent them from feeling scared. Even older kids feel frightened when they have a nightmare, so reassurance and comfort are still important at all ages.
Can scary movies or books cause nightmares?
Yes, especially for children with good imaginations, reading scary books or watching scary movies or TV shows just before bedtime can lead to nightmares. It's best to avoid scary content before bed, particularly if it has triggered nightmares before. Choose calming, pleasant activities instead.
When should I be concerned about my child's nightmares?
Talk to your doctor if nightmares happen more than once a week, often prevent your child from getting enough sleep, or happen along with other emotional or behavioral troubles. Most children have nightmares occasionally and they're not cause for concern, but frequent or severe nightmares may need professional attention.
How can I help my child feel safe after a nightmare?
Use mood lighting like nightlights or flashlights to help them feel safe in a dark room. Offer comfort items like favorite stuffed animals, blankets, or pillows. You can play soft music or talk about pleasant dreams they'd like to have. Sometimes a simple "kiss to hold" in their palm as you leave the room can provide comfort and security.